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Created: Monday, February 7, 2005 6:46 PM
Modified: Thursday, April 21, 2005 9:03 PM

man and wishes grow old on deserted island
man claims to have photo of god
government program pays cab ride if you have high blood alcohol level
"my boyfriend's an ass because he always drops his phone" :drops phone:

SEINFELD

SCENE: George, Jerry and Elaine in the Diner

George: So the guy says to me, I'll see you in the morning.
Jerry (shocked): I'll see you in the morning???
Elaine: In the morning??
George: I will see you in the morning.

[Kramer bursts through door]

Now, now i know i'm not crazy. that fucking mouse. The mouse is back again. And i got him here. mother f

he's in the fucking radiator. that prick and he's lay he's eating a fucking dorito. and i can't get him./ and he's looking at me. While he eats this fucking dorito. and he's behind the fuc

I'm going to k
this is war. now this is war. now watch what happnens

I want to expand my use of unique and funny metaphors and hyperboles and I figured this is the crowd to ask.

For those of your mental giants that need to run to wikipedia and look those two terms up.....I would love to hear some new, funny and relevant things to use in conversation. Whether its the boardroom or at the poker table, hearing a funny phrase to express ones self is something I like to do.

For example to get it started:


once at a local show this girl was crowd surfing and she fell down right in front of me, it wasn't my fault she started falling down like 3 people to my right and back a bit, it wasn't really a fall either just kind of slow downhill descent over some people but she did end up totally on the floor. Anyways i grabbed her hand/wrist and pulled her back up, I was kind of forceful doing that and every once in a while I think back to that day and wonder if I hurt her hand/wrist at all. She didn't say anything at the time so... It was pretty packed and someone couldv'e tripped over her and caused a bill pile up on top of her so I figured I better try to pick her up as fast as possible.

sooo

So anyway, I ended up just eating at Ruby Tuesday in the mall because I was short on time and needed to get lunch over with and get back. I really like Ruby Tuesday, it's a good vegan option when you're traveling. I just thought I was going to be able to find something else more local, but I couldn't. So in a way, I guess Ruby Tuesday came to the rescue and helped me eat a filling vegan lunch when I couldn't find any other options.

I started out by making a nice salad from their incredible Salad Bar. I think that they probably have the nicest and most diverse Salad Bar that I am aware of in the chain restaurant industry. It's less than $3 to add it to your meal too, and it's unlimited trips. Plus, they have so many ingredients. I just grabbed a little bit of everything and piled it up into a nice salad. One thing I did do, that I've never done before, was put a few Jalapenos on my salad. I like Jalapenos, but I just had never added them to a salad. It was really good. I'll add those little suckers every time now when I make a salad, if they're available.

I wasn't sure about their salad dressing choices. Even the Light Balsamic Vinegar dressing looked like it might be "creamy", and made me wonder if it might have dairy in it. So I just opted for the oil & vinegar that were sitting there at the end of the salad bar in their separate bottles. You can't go wrong there. My salad was delicious, and I really could have just made a meal out of the Salad Bar. In fact, I probably should have done that since I feel like I have eaten like a PIG this week. But I decided that I might as well enjoy their veggie burger too while I was there. It's the best vegan veggie burger that I know of in the whole chain restaurant industry, and it will DEFINITELY fill you up.

Once again, I asked the server before ordering if that particular restaurant was serving the Veggie Land Burger, because there are supposedly a few Ruby Tuesday locations that serve a different brand of veggie burger that is NOT vegan. She informed me that it was indeed the Veggie Land Burger and said that someone else had asked her about that last week. I guess there must have been another vegan through there, YIPEE! And yes, I got the french fries with it. Not healthy, I know. But hey, I'm pretending like I'm on vacation.

I, of course, also asked her to leave off the mayo and the cheese to make it vegan and then also said that I didn't want them to butter the bun when they grilled it. She looked worried and said she would see what they could do. This was the same look I got at the location at home when I mentioned no butter on the bun. Come to find out, they butter and grill the buns in advance, so there's no way to remove the butter from those buns. So, I just told her that I didn't need my bun grilled, and asked that they just give me a plain bun straight out of the plastic bag, which they did. So I was happy. I have found butter on the buns to be one of those sneaky things that you really have to watch out for when trying to eat out as a vegan. I got burned with it once, a long time ago on a Portobello Mushroom sandwich, and I have been on guard for it ever since. I guess some servers, who really don't understand what veganism is, must think that I am crazy being so worried about butter on the buns, I even had one tell me one time that "they don't use very much and you really can't taste it." But oh well, I eventually get my point across th

Question why is it that every time I walking down the street
Somebody wants to stop me
Just to give me a flier.
Come on man !!
Funk dat !!
Get out of my way !!

Question why is that everytime I walk into the bank

Resolved Question

Writing a letter to my girlfriend, want ideas of what to include?

Woodsy
I want ideas on what i can put in my girlfriends letter. Its her birthday and i just want to put a long special letter in her card. I have wrote loads and ive also done a poem. What else could i do? Help from the ladies plz lol.

8 months ago - 7 answers - Report It

Best Answer - Chosen By Voters
ISTHATADOG
You're kidding me, right? You're concerned about your relationship because she won't offer you literary critiques of your writing? You really need to get some perspective or you're going to live out your life being very sad and lonely. But look on the bright side, your misery will be sure to improve your writing.

3 Votes 100%

Resolved Question

Football?????

stewie's wife
wat r da rules in football and wat do dey do? i dont understand it? wat r da positons and stuff? just tell all about football

3 months ago - 6 answers - Report It

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
ISTHATADOG
You can not learn football by
- just be a player
- watch TV or read ESPN anything
- read one or two books


To truly understand it and I am sorry to say it this bluntly, you need to play it or have played it on a a respectable level and love every aspect of Football.

To understand Football, you need to know more than just what a player knows, assignments and rules. You need to understand the big picture. You need to be a coach. You can not be a coach and understand the big picture without knowing how it is on the field, without having been a player.

So yeah.
First off, everything on TV or in its vicinity is dumbified for the audience. The football rulebook doesn't require you to fill "a box", or play a 3-4 or have a QB or a HB or a TE. A Toss play isn't "THE" Toss. I can draw up about two hundred plays that would be called "THE toss play" on TV.
I've vented about this many times before, but it's always "the" 3-4 or "the" sweep. If I change just one player's assignment in football the play becomes so absurdly different that you can really only can say that there are three down linemen. Everything else is up to the coach.
I can draw up a play that looks like a kick-off formation and do the craziest motion jamboree and it would still be a legal play. Also, ESPN would explode.
And I sure as hell dont know everything there is to know, since every offense has a rather unique attack philosophy and so does every defense.

Just looking at the ESPN Football 101 gives you a good idea how simple things work in the mind of an analyst. It's not only that they don't use the correct definition of "the box", or that the notion that any given 7-man front is a gap control type is blatantly wrong, or that you can or ever should block everyone 1on1 to match up 7on7.


Bottomline, if you want to know about Football, check places where coaches discuss. High school level is best. Though if you want to read up on one specific style of attack, I recommend to get the DC Wing-T from dumcoach.com, as it's easily the most documented playbook/manual out there.
If you read it you most likely are still not ready to successfully coach or understand the game. But you at least know more about the complexity involved in a 8-10 year old YOUTH offense.

Check other sources. Just know that most playbooks on the internet are a) shit or b) in case of college/pro/big high school playbooks they wont tell you much since you lack the additional information required to understand the big picture.

If you have specific questions, as always, I will see if I can find an answer.

One example on how different you can run "the" 3-4.
Our teams runs a 3-4 and so does an opponent. And on the surface we only treat the SS differently. We run a cover-1 man/zone mix with SS manned up on TE. They run a Cover 2/3 Full Zone in case over Cover-3 this results in the LB covering the flats.
I have to attack these defenses completely different. Not even the concept is related offense wise.
Yet, ESPN will say "HURRR DATS THE 3-4"

Asker's Rating: *

Ah, fanfic. Most of my earliest writings were what would now be called fanfic. Sherlock Holmes, Elfquest, Pern, Trek, various comic book heroes. Truly, I wish the net had been around fifteen years ago, when I had the time to watch several hours of TV a day, and the energy to write notebooks full of fanfic

I have heard many denigrating remarks made about fanfic, the most common being "A REAL author wouldn't have to steal somebody else's character/world..." What many detractors don't really understand is that fanfic has an entirely different purpose than original fiction.

Fanfic arises out of an emotional need. People get very attached to a character or a world and they want MORE than they are getting. Most of them would rather read fanfic than write it, but the fanfic environment is based on a sort of mutually cooperative `I'll write some for you if you'll write some for me'. Why is fanfic necessary? Sometimes the author is dead and there is no more to be had from that quarter (example: Sherlock Holmes). Sometimes people want a story that is emotionally more intense than the original media can support (lots of slash Trek stuff, for example). Or they get lost in a lovely "what if" fantasy and want to share it with others. Or somet

Everyone seems to have their own unique tastes in fanfic, though the differences between them may seem almost undetectable to the outside observer. Many new terms have grown up to describe these tastes (h/c, slash, shipper) so that one can easily locate stories to suit one's own preferences.

Fanfic is written for TV shows, books, comic books, movies and many other media. I've searched around and found many links to fanfic of various sorts. I do not vouch for the quality of any of the stories here, as I haven't read them all (nor do I expect to) but I will try to warn you if any of them are of the risque variety :) If I miss any please let me know in the comments section.

Reba: The Beatles were one of the first bands to introduce satire and humour into rock and roll for instance, alot of funny but werid stuff can be found on none other but "The White" album. A good if not great example would be the song Happiness is a Warm Gun. When peapel heard it for the first time they thought "This is a good guitar riff" (the main part of a ROCK song) but when they get to the chorus they barf on themselves because of lines such as "I feel my finger on the trigger" and "Its good to have a gun." They might even have to barf into their hands, and then put the barf in a trash can. Its so gross but that's exactly what Jon Lennon wanted. It was satire because Jon did not like guns at all, He was laughing in the face of all the smart men who got mad and didnt even know it was a joke. A similar thing to this would be if you said "women are dumb" but it was a joke. A lot of girls would get mad if you said that, but Jon Lennon would say that kind of crap as a joke and walk it off. According to an interview in 1968 Paul Mccartney smokes weed. Then when Sgt Pepper came out peaple were often quoted as saying " I guess he did smoke weed after all. This album is KooL". The beatles decided to stop joking around after that except for Ringo. Now he is old and gay and Jon Lennon died. George Harrison is also dead. Paul Mccartney married a girl with a peg leg

a room in slow motion going 100 miles/hr with girls
and be laid back
i dont want to "do it"
on a bed
Jacob,isaac, and judas are all sitting down on a comfortable sofa with crincits and a bottle of water one of them thinks they are not the bigger fucker they know hes not bad'and it is an unfortable scenario
dat i aint got bo shoes On im holdin up a big stack and dem
hundreds in a rubba b
she's a good girl and the only reason she said those words were to satisfy herself because she loves you she wants us to be together forever that's good that'means she loves you why would that make you feel bad because without her iVFFFFFFFFFFFFFshe,s just a kid a babby

ffffffffffffffffffffffff